Monday, March 11, 2013

The Zombifying Diet

Today at about 12 pm, one hour after completing a cream cheese bagel, I began to feel myself show symptoms of zombification. Symptoms include a feeling of constricted space around the head, impaired breathing, impaired vision, sleepiness, "spaciness", boredom, inability to perform athletic tasks etc.

Do you feel or have you ever felt like a zombie after eating a particularly sinful meal? Do you find yourself feeling disconnected from reality after eating on a regular basis?

You could be eating a Zombifying Diet (ZD). A ZD is defined as habitually eating foods that soften and disengage your consciousness. In other words, your food is slowly turning you into a Zombie. Combined with a environmental diet of T.V, mindless work, video games, smart phone usage, facebooking and driving, this could lead to extreme zombification (EZ). Zombification may not be noticeable for some people eating a ZD, often because they are in a constant state of zombification.

Here is a brief list of food that are zombifiying for everyone:
- foods high in refined sugars, especially high fructose corn syrup. ex: soda, candy, donut.
- non-real food (fast food, highly processed food)
- alcohol
- oil-rich foods (deep fried things, potato chips)

Here is a breif list of foods that CAN BE zombifying:
- Gluten (wheat-containing foods)
- dairy products
- coffee
- meat
- corn

If you are lucky enough to catch yourself in the process of Zombification and self-diagnose it, then you are in luck. It is reversible!

Steps Towards Reversing your ZD

Step 1: Notice the feeling and identify the cause (feeling: totally disconnected from reality. Cause: cream cheese bagel in the morning.)

Step 2: Drink water immediately. Do NOT consume coffee or any other stimulating substance. Peppermint tea will help you de-zombify more quickly.

Step 3: For your next meal, eat a salad. Rather than viewing this as deprivation or punishment, view it as a divine nectar that will fully nourish your being. This salad will be the embodiment of all things whole, healthy and tasty. It could include your favorite fruits, vegetables. Include parsley, cilantro, mint and other fresh herbs. For a dressing, a simple vinaigrette will be the catalyst for the freshest possible flavors to explode in your mouth in ecstasy. It will not include dairy products, refined sugars, gluten products or soy products.

Step 4: Make a vivid mental note that the food you ate is ZOMBIFYING you, and that you don't want to eat it again.

Step 5: Notice the next time you have the desire to eat that zombifying food, and try making a different choice.

Note that side effects of reversing zombification can include increased passion in life, increased energy, spiritual awakening, surfacing of trauma or anxiety.

The alternative to a ZD is a Super-Hero Diet (SHD), which can be defined as eating foods that enliven and engage your consciousness. The details of this diet are different for everyone, but generally includes eating fresh, whole foods.